The Holy Spirit is messing with me. I’m not a fan of him doing this.
So my church and small group is doing a study on generosity. I’m all for that. I like being generous. Some of my most precious memories have been times when I’ve been able to give a gift that surprised a friend or stranger. But this is already taking a different turn for me.
This isn’t going to be about money for me. And though I originally thought it would be about my time and how I can tend to hoard it selfishly, I don’t think it’s going to be about that either.
I’m pretty sure God wants me to be generous with my enemies. No, not send them flowers or anything. Not hang out with them against their will (though that would be kind of funny in a totally awkward way).
He wants me, I think…if I’m discerning correctly, to be generous with my words, with my actions, with my attitudes.
I think he wants me to forgive lavishly. To let offenses drop to the ground instantly. To stop my venting to others about them. (Or at least curb the venting…look, I’m not applying for sainthood here.) To offer things that I have no obligation to offer. To look the person who is being unkind to me in the eye and just take it, knowing, of course, that all will be set right in the end; knowing that I’m being fought for in the heavenly realm so I don’t have to do my own fighting; knowing that the person who is hurting me doesn’t love me but I’m already fully stocked in the being-loved department so it doesn’t matter really. To start speaking truth, even in small pieces, as respectfully and steadily as I can. To stop the rabbit from going down the trail each time a snarky thought comes to my mind. To pray for the people who think awful things about me, who are refusing to mend bridges with me. To wish them well. To ask God to bless them. To surrender them to him.
It’s interesting. Part of me so doesn’t want to do this. Part of me thinks that the high road is like extra credit and just the fact that I’m not, you know, egging their houses is pretty darn Jesus-y of me. And yet, part of me saw this coming. Part of me had already been choosing small acts of rebellion against my sinful nature. I have been using the phrase the high road for a couple months now already, so I think I was primed for this.
Plus, hell-o, Jesus always, always took the high road. So, I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to as well.
My expectations are low, or at the very least, realistic. I do not expect a turnaround in these relationships. I do not expect them to come to me begging for my forgiveness for all the harm they’ve done to me. What I expect though is that something will happen to my heart that would not happen to it if I clenched my fists and told the Spirit that I want to try to be generous another way, thankyouverymuch. In fact, my heart is already changing, with compassion sneaking its way into the crevices, as only the Spirit can do. And I’ve just gotten started.
So my church and small group is doing a study on generosity. I’m all for that. I like being generous. Some of my most precious memories have been times when I’ve been able to give a gift that surprised a friend or stranger. But this is already taking a different turn for me.
This isn’t going to be about money for me. And though I originally thought it would be about my time and how I can tend to hoard it selfishly, I don’t think it’s going to be about that either.
I’m pretty sure God wants me to be generous with my enemies. No, not send them flowers or anything. Not hang out with them against their will (though that would be kind of funny in a totally awkward way).
He wants me, I think…if I’m discerning correctly, to be generous with my words, with my actions, with my attitudes.
I think he wants me to forgive lavishly. To let offenses drop to the ground instantly. To stop my venting to others about them. (Or at least curb the venting…look, I’m not applying for sainthood here.) To offer things that I have no obligation to offer. To look the person who is being unkind to me in the eye and just take it, knowing, of course, that all will be set right in the end; knowing that I’m being fought for in the heavenly realm so I don’t have to do my own fighting; knowing that the person who is hurting me doesn’t love me but I’m already fully stocked in the being-loved department so it doesn’t matter really. To start speaking truth, even in small pieces, as respectfully and steadily as I can. To stop the rabbit from going down the trail each time a snarky thought comes to my mind. To pray for the people who think awful things about me, who are refusing to mend bridges with me. To wish them well. To ask God to bless them. To surrender them to him.
It’s interesting. Part of me so doesn’t want to do this. Part of me thinks that the high road is like extra credit and just the fact that I’m not, you know, egging their houses is pretty darn Jesus-y of me. And yet, part of me saw this coming. Part of me had already been choosing small acts of rebellion against my sinful nature. I have been using the phrase the high road for a couple months now already, so I think I was primed for this.
Plus, hell-o, Jesus always, always took the high road. So, I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to as well.
My expectations are low, or at the very least, realistic. I do not expect a turnaround in these relationships. I do not expect them to come to me begging for my forgiveness for all the harm they’ve done to me. What I expect though is that something will happen to my heart that would not happen to it if I clenched my fists and told the Spirit that I want to try to be generous another way, thankyouverymuch. In fact, my heart is already changing, with compassion sneaking its way into the crevices, as only the Spirit can do. And I’ve just gotten started.
1 comments:
It seems, my dear fellow walker-on-this-road, that you and I are classmates.
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